12 Strategies for Coping with Chronic “stuff”

Divin' in

I don’t know about you but when I am going through something I like to hear about how to survived it by those who have gone before. So I thought I would write up a blog of some of the things that have helped me on this journey.

1.Remembering who my Source is. Is it myself? Is is others comments? Is is my achievements? For me it is Jesus. The God of the Bible. He alone has journeyed every long day with me perfectly.  He is the only one who fully understand all I’ve been through.

2.Get a jar….The jar theory was created by a friend and I as we struggled through well meaning people saying things that ended up hurting us. There will be many times when you do NOT want advice, remedies ect. you will receive them anyway…by having  a jar you simply are choosing to take the…

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7 gifts I received from the flu

Receive gifts from the flu?!?!?! It’s true.

Check them out and see if you can think of a gift you have received via illness this winter.

1. A break from over thinking….. once I realized I wasn’t functioning at full capacity because of the flu I stopped trying to figure out what was wrong with me…perhaps I should give myself grace more often:)
2. Permission to chill…… when I realized I was sick I stopped pushing myself and enjoyed resting not the stomach pain etc but chilling with movies, sleep and books.
3. Perspective change…… initially I was going to push through but my body began protesting loudly and as I accepted my new state of “slow” I was able to release my expectations of what “had” to happen and then I could truly rest.
4. After “awful”  can come amazing or at the very least “much improved” …… ok so this one is disgusting but true.  After you eject all possible stomach content you feel pretty great if only for awhile. It seems like a life principle worth holding on to. The awful does come to an end.
5. Slo mo perks….. it is WAY easier to do one thing at a time because that is all your body can handle. It is way easier to connect with God by saying, “What do I do next?” because for once I don’t have to remind myself to be dependent I just actually act out of my dependency and well it’s a beautiful time of connection with God.
6. Renewed gratitude for health….. after the grrr of realizing you’re sick and down for who knows how long you, you eventually rest and then get better. The gift is in being able to function normally again something we daily take for granted. To go from easily fatigued to energized is fabulous!!!
7. Receiving compassion and grace….. a beautiful gift from those in your home that you are in fact contaminating with your plague. Wow!! What grace!

 

Clearly stomach bugs still SUPER suck but in all the “ugh” there are gifts. I’d love to receive the gifts without the “ugh” but sometimes the “ugh” helps me receive what Creator God has been trying to give me all along.

What gifts have you noticed amid the ugh you are going through?

The Year of WOW

Happy New Year!!!

We never could have imagined the blessings that God would shower upon our family in 2017. Our minds are still spinning at  His abundant goodness!!!!

“God’s gifts put man’s best dreams to shame.” Elizabeth Barrett Browning

This has been a year of miracles.

In January of 2017, Calvin and I were directed to join a life coaching group. We were both encouraged and challenged by this experience. At the end of our time with the group I had begun acting on a dream of mine to write a book and Calvin was beginning a new business venture.

February our family enjoyed Michael’s 10th birthday party and we began preparing for our trip to Maneadero, Mexico. As you may remember our hearts have become attached to Claire and Wayne Wagner, founders of Safe Care Mission International. They are the dear souls who have created a safe working poor day care as well as a restoration home for children who need a place to live while their folks are getting back on their feet. This time our trip to the mission was with our entire family as well as members of our church family. Thank you to all of you who helped finance this trip!!! One of the items donated was a van.Calvin and our friend Dan and Ben our oldest son (now12) drove it down to Mexico loaded with treasures for the mission.

In March myself and Alaythea 14, Michael 10 and Joshua 8 flew out with the remainder of the team and met up with Calvin in San Diego before crossing the border to Ensenada and then on to Maneadero. It was surreal for me to get to have lunch with our team mates in the very same area Calvin and I had visited previous years when we had been in the San Diego for medical trips for my health. ( If you are wondering which medical trips type in Remember when… in the search bar at the top of the page) It was a thrill to be with my friends there with a different purpose in mind. If you’d like to read more about our trip type in  Our Mexico Mission Adventure in the search bar at the top of this page.

In April we traveled to Pender Island, BC to visit Calvin’s brother Craig and their lovely family. Calvin’s parents were there also to celebrate Easter with us. We enjoyed walks and beaches and of course the cousins. Craig and Ruthie had recently purchased a house on the island and the men worked on the house and yard. April also was the start up of sports. Benjamin was a part of football again and Josh began his football career also. Michael opted to be on a ball hockey team. Many evenings and weekends had a game or two and though at times it was a challenge to make sure  everyone was where they should be it was wonderful to watch the kids play and meet other community members.

In May we paused life to go to Condy Meadows campground with Calvin’s parents and as always enjoyed their company as well as golfing together. May also marked our 17th wedding anniversary. Calvin somehow managed to get away from work and whisked me away to a secret destination. After a hike at a waterfall and more travel we drove into Tumbleridge BC and had a lovely weekend together marveling at my body allowing me to hike and play golf.

June was a flurry of sporting events. Ben and Josh also had their birthday parties so that friends could attend before summer holidays began. We enjoy our church family camp out before the Porritt clan began showing up for the annual Porritt/ Fehr Acreage Shindig.

July began with all the Porritt cousins and their parents joining with us to celebrate the beginning of summer. Between face painting, water fights, zip line escapades and numerous delicious meals (Thanks Mom) we also managed to squeeze in some crafts and a boating day and the petting zoo. Good times definitely took place. As our family from afar headed home we filled up our Pilot and hooked up our boat and headed out on our own Fehr family adventure. We spent a refreshing week as a family at Green Bay Bible camp in Kelowna, BC.  ( To read more about that amazing week search The Family Camp Adventure in the search bar at the top of the page) It was a tremendous time of fellowship and refreshing for our whole family definitely an adventure we would love to repeat some time! On either end of our camp week we were able to spend time with my brother Derek and his wonderful family. Next we headed to the gorgeous town of Sicamous, BC for a week of fun with Calvin’s family.

In August we started facing the realities of getting ready for school as well as Ben heading back into football season since he had moved up to the next level in football.

September began with Joshua in grade 3, Michael in grade 5, Ben in grade 7 and Alaythea in grade 9. It is wild to see all our kiddos getting so grown up!!! They are such a gift to us! Awana club began for Josh and Michael and Youth for Ben and Alaythea. Calvin and I began to go to drop in volleyball at the PRBI gym and help with youth.  Did you catch that I am getting to go out in the evening to exercise or help at youth!!Yeah God!!! We also were able to runaway to Edmonton for a weekend as a family and take in an Eskimos game. The next weekend poor Ben fractured a bone in his ankle causing his football season to change dramatically. All is healed now for which we are thankful.

In October we returned to Edmonton for Thanksgiving at my brother Clint’s house and were so glad that we had the opportunity to visit with my dear Grandma Lindahl who just turned 93 as well as visit with my Aunt Judy and Uncle Ron visiting from the States.

In November Alaythea turned 14 what a lovely young lady she is. My dad turned 71 and we enjoyed taking him to a Phil Callaway concert. November also marked me taking a step of faith and beginning to share principles from my book with a group of ladies. This online coaching group was a stretch for me but with great rewards as the ladies involved shared how the content from my book and the principles God had me develop through it freed them amid the chaos in their lives.

December we had a huge birthday party for me celebrating God’s gracious hand upon me these 39 years. I have experienced tremendous health this year. After fifteen years of wrestling with chronic fatigue that has effected my life in debilitating ways I have had a year tremendous stamina and energy. I literally feel as good as I did in college! Calvin and I can’t truly express our gratitude for this gift from God but we marvel and tear up together as we remember what we have been through and where we are at now.

This has been a year of WOW for us.

My health taking a profound turn for the better freeing me up to volunteer at the Pregnancy Care Centre and write my book Freaking Out to Flying Free as well as have energy left to spend on our family.

I marvel at the answers to prayers prayed over the last fifteen years. Thank you for journeying with us in all the ups and downs.

Calvin and I are also amazed at God’s  continued direction and provision in Calvin’s carpentry business CustomWoodWorks as well the addition of a window installation business Energy Efficiency Pros. And to top it all off Calvin was able to partner with two other godly men in starting Ridgeback Rentals a business that rents out ground thaw units, generators and light towers. WOW! God has provided work, wisdom and help in all of these endeavors and continues to do so. We are SO thankful and in awe of all that He has brought about!

The joy in our home and the growth in our kids and the opportunities to love on those around us make me want to burst out in song. Grace upon grace upon grace.

As we enter this new year Calvin just had another batch of machines rented out. I am continuing to edit my book and looking forward to prepping for various speaking engagements I get to be a part of in the new year. The kids have enjoyed cousin time at Christmas and continue to love playing on our dugout.

I don’t know what you are facing in 2018. Maybe what is in front of you does not look hopeful or bright if that is the case, HUGS. Our years have not always seemed so bright either. Amid all the ups and downs Jesus has been our constant. Through my many days of bedrest, during Calvin’s recovery from his concussion years ago, when work seemed overwhelming or everything seemed too much JESUS has only ever been the constant source of hope and peace. You may never have experienced that with Him but He wants to give you himself too. He wants to encourage you and comfort you. Just talk to Him tell Him all that is on your heart and mind ask for help and healing and for a better understanding of his tremendous love for you.

If you would like to know more about  Plexus the natural supplements that God has used to bring about my healing message me here or on Facebook. I would love to share more about them.

If you would like to be on my email list so that you know when my book is released in 2018 please click on this link https://app.convertkit.com/landing_pages/313560?v=6

Thank you all so very much for being a part of our lives. We love you!!!

Blessings on each of you in 2018. With love from the Fehr Family

 

 

 

 

 

Do you hurt this holiday season?

I do.

Hey there everyone,

I’ve decided to try something new.

I’ve created three short videos sharing lessons I’ve learned through my journey with loss.

If you are interested in receiving these free videos please email me at flyingfreemin@gmail.com and I’ll get the video links to you.

Please feel free to share this post with others whom you know are hurting through the holiday season.

Sincerely

Andrea Fehr

Naked and Unashamed

Gasp!!! The n-word right out there in the open. I have wondered about using this phrase as the title for this blog but decided we are all adults so we can handle seeing the n- word;)

In the fabulous book “Eve” by WM. Paul Young the main character is a witness of the creation of Adam in the garden of  Eden. The phrase that is used in Scripture to describe Adam and Eve in the garden is “(they) were both naked and not ashamed”.  (Genesis 2:25)
This phrase has stuck in my mind. I have pondered what it would have been like for the first man and woman to be naked and unashamed before God.
Naked and unashamed is just not a phrase we hear often. However the pairing of being naked and feeling shame go hand in hand now a days on this side of Eden.

We live in world of extremes where nakedness  is hidden because of propriety or exposed to seduce. Beyond that are the many horrific scenarios where a person’s nakedness is exposed only for the purpose of exploitation creating deep soul scars on the one who is used.

We live in a very different place from the garden of Eden. The garden that held the first moments of mankind untainted by sin. What a glorious experience that must have been.
Here is Lilly’s experience viewing Adam being created.

“Lilly found herself at the center of the gathering, surrounded by light-beings and an onslaught of senses. Music wove like threads into a living, scented tapestry……Eternal Man seemed to dance, dressed in white robes of light. A humble crown of vines encircled His head. Lilly felt entranced; every part of her longed to run to Him and tell Him her secrets, to be remade, to melt into His magnificence, to find rest from her shame….What happened next surprised her. Eternal Man also knelt upon the ground, and with His hands, like a child in a sandbox, began to gather into one place a pile of reddish- brown dust. He was playing, but His demeanor was intensely focused and brimming with unbridled joy…… From inside out, this mound of dirt now bubbled up bloodred water, gushing from an unseen aquifer. Adonai sang into it and then with tears and laughter plunged His hands into the holy mess with a shout that brought Lilly to her feet. The labour was nearly finished. Then, with a piercing, wrenching scream, Adonai raised above His head a newborn baby.” (pg34)

Let’s take a peak at Young’s rendition of what an angel’s reaction to the creation of man may have been.

“Adonai, this gathering of earth’s dust? Does Your breathing into dirt give it new meaning? They may Your image and likeness bear, but they are fragile, weak and therefore…inconsequential. You are the One Who set the terms, Your nature inviolable, so why have You now revealed Yourself in an everlasting weakness? You would place our hope and life in this… this helpless bit of living matter?” (pg42)

This is how I feel often fragile, weak and inconsequential but here is Adonai’s response from the book and it lines up with what He says in Scripture.

“‘ Shining One, there are mysteries hidden from even you…. This being requires no proof to love. They are bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh, and for them my everlasting Love and affection will never be diminished or darkened. They cannot drift into unworthiness.'” (pg43)

Wow! How often do we pause and ponder that we are created by the One true God? The Creator of all things. The Author of all that is good.

I remember years ago being upset and frustrated…. fragile and weak at the beginning of our church’s vacation Bible school week.  As I burst into one of the classrooms to vent on a friend  I realized that my job of the evening was to teach the kids a memory verse.

There on the wall a  cheerful poster of  the verse seemed to mock my tortured soul.

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:14

I was incredulous was I really supposed to teach this verse when I was despising myself.

I was and it was a powerful moment of realizing who I am and what I may be feeling can be two very different things. BUT I always have the choice to believe what God and His word says about me or carry on rejecting Him and His truth.

Trust me in order to believe that verse I needed some serious help from above to change my heart and mind about myself in that moment but it was definitely worth it and continues to be.

Will you lean into the truth of  what God says about you in He Word, the Bible? He created us to be vulnerable this wasn’t part of the curse this was a gift so that we would drink deeply of Him always since He is the only true source of Life.

Will you ask Him to help you  praise God for how you are fearfully and wonderfully made? Ask Him to help you declare yourself wonderful.

How would doing this change how you think about yourself or talk to or about yourself?
How could this shift to acceptance of your weakness change your relationships with others?

We all need reminders from time to time to love ourselves because God loves us.

As we allow ourselves to believe God and His unending love for us we begin to be ok with being fragile and weak. We can become ok with our naked need for Him.

He allowed us to be created naked and unashamed. We don’t need to hate what we look, like. It does not bless Him to hear us hate on ourselves.  We have an opportunity to believe that being naked before God being vulnerable before Him is always how He intended for us to be and without shame. We have an opportunity to ask Him to heal our wrong thinking and embrace who He has called us to be body, soul and mind.

Our dependency , our weakness, our fragile everything is a gift that can draw us to Him daily, hourly if we let it or it can cause us to turn from Him to try to be something we were never created to be invincible and self sufficient.

I’ll tell you friends I have tried both ways and “naked and unashamed” wins hands down!

Getting to depend on my all knowing, all sufficient, perfect Father of Light is freeing and sometimes even fun as I learn to wait for Him to lead,guide,fix and solve all the ups and downs of life.

So this week when you feel fragile and weak and are tempted to fight it by trying harder would you do yourself a favor and smirk a little as you declare, ” I am naked and unashamed. I am fragile and weak but this exactly how God created me to be.It is not wrong to need God. He created me this way. Needing Him is a gift so that I can fully enjoy my source of Life in every moment. Here I am, Daddy. please help me. Thank you.”

You’ll be amazed how this change in your thinking will bring you peace and joy.

“‘ What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator.Does a clay pot argue with its maker? Does a clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, ‘Stop, you’re doing it wrong!’……This is what the LORD says- the Holy One of Israel and your Creator: ‘ Do you question what I do for my children? Do you give me orders about the work of my hands? I am the one who made earth and created people to live on it.'” Isaiah 45:9a,11,12

“Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.” Ephesians 1:4-8

Please don’t let your misled thinking and  fickle feelings keep you from deep soul healing and the freedom that comes from knowing you were created by God with a love that doesn’t end the same love that doesn’t expect you do know it all and do it all but allows you to be naked and unashamed..

 

 

 

 

Warning Lights

It was at the end of August 2017 that I realized I was tired. It wasn’t “I’m gonna have a fatigue attack” tired but the ” you’re only a couple steps before an attack” type of tired.

My lungs would start to tighten.

My soul and mind were wound up and jumpy.

“What could I change in this day or week?” I began to ask myself.

“When is my next break that is a chunk of time?” I questioned.

“Why have I let myself get this weary?” I queried.

These were the questions that kept rolling through my mind.

My mind was trying to find a solution to the problem but to do that well I’d need to sit down and actually answer the questions and made some choices.

Learning to acknowledge and act on my body’s warning lights  has been monumental in me learning to prevent physical crashes that take a long time to recover from.

Developing body awareness has also led to more peace because I know when I am respecting my body and its requests we are working as a unit like  we were created to.

My body, soul and mind were created to work together but it has taken me an embarrassing amount of time to begin to learn to act on that truth. The long and short of it is that it’s worth it!

Warning lights are there for a reason. In our vehicles when the fuel light comes on we know our moments of movement are numbered.

Warning lights signal a choice point. Will we act now? Will we act later? Will we choose not to act at all?

In real life, what are your body’s indicators that something is off? Do you get headaches or tummy aches more frequently? Are you dragging around at a time of day you used to be productive? Are you unable to get to sleep or stay asleep?

What is your normal for your body? Are you a morning person or a mid day person or an evening person? Do you feel like you’ve lost yourself in the midst of the circumstances that consume each of your days?

If your response to the last question was,”YES!” Then I want to say, “Congratulations on acknowledging where you are at. Great job, taking time to read this blog. Please know that it was written with you in mind. There are things in your life you can change that will bring you back to who you were made to be. God’s creation daily enjoying His  presence and leading in your life.”

Taking time to become aware of your current physical state and comparing it to your former state is rather painful at times but it is a necessary starting point for change. Please, believe me it will be worth it!!!

The fact may be that your ideal physical state isn’t currently realistic. When I was in the deep throes of chronic fatigue I would have LOVE to get up and be active but well I simply could not. However knowing I wanted action and how action alleviated the feeling of being trapped in a body that wouldn’t cooperate led to being creative. Driving a quad because taking a walk wasn’t an option help “fix” my warning lights of panic,pity and frustration in some of those moments replacing those emotions with joy, thanksgiving and a sense of freedom.

Becoming aware of what your warning lights are will take some practice but it is well worth it because then you can respond in a positive and an efficient way and this will greatly benefit you.

It’s normal for our bodies to get tired and even sick this is simply part of life on earth and in these earthly bodies BUT we short change ourselves if we don’t take the steps needed to respect and protect our bodies especially when they are lite up with warning signs.

For those of you who are aware of your warning signs but have been told by your doctors there is nothing they can do. HUGS!!!! That super sucks to hear!!! I have been there which is why I can safely and confidently say, “They are wrong!” There is always something we can do to listen to our warning lights granted it might not fix the chronic illness BUT any action steps will definitely help you feel some relief and some control over your situation and even encouragement that there can be more joy in your life.

Let’s break it down.

We wake up exhausted then stressed. We acknowledge that we are exhausted and stressed.

What are some logical action steps we can implement?

We are exhausted therefore we could: A) go to bed earlier the next night B) do some gentle exercise to get our bodies going C) eat a healthy breakfast

We are stressed therefore we could: A) acknowledge the source of our stress and then decide if we will trust God with that worry or continue to carry it B) look for something in our day that we could move to a different time C) plan a stress relieving event/break somewhere in our day

I know it sounds obvious but we all have choices daily. Doing nothing in the face of our warning lights is a choice. I know when we are exhausted with numerous warning lights flared up it’s hard to put work into creating and taking action steps BUT dear friends, that is the only way to make a change. Please, believe me it will be worth it!!!

We begin to make this change by taking one warning light at a time. After we acknowledge it we take one positive action step to address the issue. It doesn’t have to be a huge step something simple works best because then we can easily do it again. Then we cheer for ourselves and tell a friend, perhaps a person who blogs on self-care:) and then we press on. Daily celebrating that we are growing in taking care of ourselves by taking care of our warning lights.

Getting back to the gas gauge analogy I honestly react more positively and quickly to prevent the inevitable consequences of ignoring the warning light than I do when my own body gives me a distress signal.

You know and I know deep down in our spirit that we should be taking better care of ourselves but somewhere between our self condemnation, exhaustion and busy lives we ignore the signals and then feel angry, embarrassed or defeated when we have to live with the consequences.

Let’s choose to stop doing that. We can. It will take practice but it’s worth it and it’s our responsibility. We were after all created by Almighty God to honor Him with our lives and bodies.

We are also being watched by others. What a beautiful gift we could give them, the gift of self- care! The gift of listening and responding to our bodies so that our lives can reflect balance, joy, peace and kindness. I don’t know about you but I want to model that for my kids. I believe this is the life God planned for us.

So why won’t we accept the gift He has given by believing and acting on the warning signals our body sends us?

How many times a day do we override our bodies requests? Let’s take a little survey:

How many times a day do I ignore my body’s request for food?  1  2  3 or more

How many times a day do I ignore my body’s request for sleep? 1 2 3 or more

How many times a day do I ignore my body’s request to use the washroom now or soon? 1 2 3 or more

If your answers are like mine, we both know we are reading this blog for a reason, it is time to trade in this debilitating habit for a new one.

Our bodies requests aren’t huge.

Our bodies requests don’t need scientists to discern what the answers are.

So what is holding us back from responding efficiently to their pleas?

I know often I feel inconvenienced by my body’s requests therefore I “push” the ignore button until plea turns into a demand and in the past a hostage situation because my body has shut down because I ignored it’s reasonable request too many times.

When I worked through my losses in a grief recovery program the first loss I had to deal with was the loss of my health. I was annoyed and even embarrassed to have to go to through the grief recovery process regarding my body but as I did the work I discovered freedom and peace. I became aware that my body and I have actually been on the same team all my life and I have simply been angry at it for when it has “failed” me without being thankful and appreciative of all it does for me daily. I know find when my body doesn’t feel great I am more gently with it and I know it sounds weird but it does calm my soul to acknowledge all the work my body has done for me and that we are on the same team.

Let’s ask God to help us this week be more aware of the warning signs we are experiencing and for the wisdom and discipline to act on these requests. Let’s ask God to change our view of our bodies from breaking down machines to His magnificent creation where His Holy Spirit has chosen do dwell. Let’s believe that God doesn’t view us taking care of our bodies as being selfish but as being good steward of what He has entrusted us. Let’s ask Him to open our eyes to enjoy the gift of having the ability to choose to make little choices daily that will bless our bodies and those around us by extension.

He gave us warning lights for a reason let’s believe them and respond a little faster to their plea this week.

Please don’t let this task overwhelm you just keep living one step at a time making the choice that will most benefit your body. Please reach out to me if you need help processing what this looks like for you. I would love to connect with each of you.

And pretty please let’s CELEBRATE our victories of responding more willingly to our warning lights by posting a comment or emoticon or telling a friend we are after all all in this together;)

 

 

 

 

 

Living Life Backwards

Over the last fifteen years I have been better able to relate to senior citizens than others my own age.

My need to rest at regular intervals, eat at certain times and monitor my activity  gave us a common bond but um, well, it’s been totally backwards.

However over the last year and a half my body has been steadily improving. I am beyond thrilled by this turn of events and so are all who know me well.

There have been adjustments for me as I begin to again relate to people my own age physically and it’s been odd to not be able to to relate the same way to my senior friends. I’ve actually  had to remind myself that it’s ok and  wonderfully normal that I am no longer living my life as a senior but instead like the thirty something I am.

Through my fifteen years of experience with chronic fatigue syndrome I have been through self -care boot camp. I am now a passionate advocate for each of us caring for ourselves. Body, mind and soul.

Over the next few months I am going to be posting articles on the lessons I have learned about self-care through this journey.

Please join me in this journey and invite your friends to join us too. I truly believe that taking care of ourselves is a responsibility we need to take seriously but more on that later.

For now I want to get really personal with you about my season of sickness so that you can hear where I am speaking from.

As a young girl I was constantly walking or biking to school and around town. I enjoyed intramural sports at school especially flag football and floor hockey.

In my teen years I enjoyed reading a lot but also was on the volleyball team. My summers were bursting with activity working at the camp my parents directed.

Through grade 12 and my first  year of college my afterschool job was being a janitor. I spent hours vacuuming, mopping and cleaning bathrooms. In fact over those two years I likely cleaned more than my body has allowed me to over the last fifteen years.

It was the end of my first year of marriage that we had discovered a serious decline in my energy after work. I had been willingly walking about a half an hour to work and back but as time progressed that no longer became an option.

The dramatic change began in church where I suddenly found that if I stood during all the singing I was dizzy and felt awful. From there I began to wake up and get out of bed only to realize I didn’t have the energy to actually have a shower and get ready for the day which was a shock for me since I am morning person once I get going.

Weird things began to happen, like I would feel tired and then I would be gasping for breath unable to speak and fighting off a deep panic. Once my breathing calmed I would be unable to move and needed hours to recover from the fatigue attack.

It took us over a decade to be diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome. The diagnosis  happened in Tijuana, Mexico when we went to Dr. Castillo’s medical clinic to receive treatment. (Look under April 2013 to read more about that adventure)

Needless to say, living life fully was difficult. I would try to participate in what I could but often my plans would be thwarted when a fatigue attack would rise up and render me unable to speak or move. As you can imagine this sudden change without tangible solutions or treatment affected my body, mind and soul.

Each department went through serious, “Do you trust God? Boot Camp” but all along God was faithful to teach, train, comfort and provide what I needed from Him.

Though boot camp is never fun the benefits far outweigh the pain of the suffering.

I am so thankful that I am finally actually at a place where I can see the abundance of treasure that I have received from those years of ups and downs in boot camp.

I can’t help but believe that I went through all that so that I could learn a lot and be changed in ways I only could dream of.  I am convinced that I am to share some of these lessons with you.

As some of you know I am currently in a season of health and its been the longest season of health I’ve had since 2001. I am beyond thrilled and believe that it is a result of God’s grace upon me through a natural supplement.

If you suffer from a health issue and would like to ask me more about that part of my journey feel free to message me on facebook (Andrea Porritt Fehr) or email me at andreafehr78@icloud.com

It is an odd thing to have been living life backwards but I can’t help but be thankful for all the lessons learned  and all the people it has enabled me to meet. I will treasure this season of health and share with anyone willing to listen of the lessons and tools I’ve begun to learn through my journey of illness.

It still won’t change the fact that I feel like I’ve lived life backwards but I love that our God does unique things in each of our lives for His purposes. I know that a purpose He has for me is to encourage and help restore hope and courage in your hearts and it is indeed my priviledge to be obedient to that calling.

I’ll post again next Monday and we’ll delve into lessons that apply to our body, soul and mind which enable us to live the abundant lives He has provided for us to live no matter what  each department is facing.

Thank you so much for joining me in this series and feel free to leave comments and questions below.

 

 

 

 

Connecting amid the Chaos

You purpose in your heart to wake up early for your personal time with God. The kids decide to get up a billion times in the night. You still manage to scrape yourself out of bed moments before “go time”. You snag  your Bible off the night stand and read some verses with blurry eyes and a frustrated heart.

The day starts and you feel behind already.

There are millions of ways and reasons our moments of solitude with God get interrupted. Sometimes we do sneak out of bed eager to be with our Daddy, our Source, only to discover one of the monkeys is up and wanting our attention.

Blocked goals are frustrating !!!!

The blocked goal of no devotion time is heavier than others. Guilt gets involved as our internal pressure grows. Desperation and frustration join forces creating resentment and bitterness. We know we need this time. We know we can’t control all the extenuating circumstances. Of course there is also the whole enemy attacking side of things which makes our goal of quality time with Him even more difficult to achieve.

I have no magic formula to make this time suddenly appear for you but I do know that He knows about your heart’s desire and thwarted efforts. He knows and He wants the same for you.  I believe that He can and will open our eyes to ways  we can tweak our schedules and even our expectations of what we think our time with Him is supposed to look like.

For years I did devos a certain way. Prayer list, read a chapter maybe journal.

For years I’d get muddled when my plan of what to study was “done” and I couldn’t figure out what my next step was.

Life changes, season change and we change.

Don’t be afraid to do your devotional time differently to let go of your “plan”.

The purpose of time with God is just that to spend focused time with Him.

Focused time on Him. Remembering who He is.

Maybe its time to go back to just sitting with Him on your favourite bench in the park.

It could be talking to Him on your daily commute or while you are making supper.

Don’t let your inability to do it perfectly keep you from trying at all. Maybe it’s time to think of it differently not as, ” I have to” but ” Help me want to, Jesus.” “What should our time look like today, Daddy?” “When should I pause to be with you, please show me and help me obey?”

Our lives are full.

Our days are His.

Will we let Him lead us to himself? Will we draw near to Him with the desire for Him to teach us who He really is? Will be believe that He wants to share in our every day and will provide the opportunities for us to connect with Him?

There is no rule, “Thou shalt spend time with God daily.” We all know in our heart of hearts in order to know someone we must connect with them.

Where do you connect best with God?  In nature? In your special chair? On a walk? While your on a run? How do you connect best with God? By being quiet and listening? By reading the Bible and waiting? By studying a specific topic or word?

All over Scripture God says He is willing to teach us. Are we willing to let Him do it His way?

Oh God, grant us hearts that daily seek you. May we turn from guilt and shame and instead turn to believing and waiting in anticipation for what you have for us in each day.

“The Lord says, ” I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Don’t be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.'” Psalm 32:8,9

“Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the LORD. Joyful are those who obey his laws and search for him with all their hearts. They do not compromise with evil, and they walk only in his paths. You have charged us to keep your commandments carefully. Oh, that my actions would consistently reflect your decrees! Then I will not be ashamed when I compare my life with your commands. As I learn your righteous regulations, I will thank you by living as I should! I will obey your decrees. Please don’t give up on me!” Psalm 119:1-8

“All the nations you made will come and bow before you, Lord; they will praise your holy name. For you are great and perform wonderful deeds. You alone are God. Teach me your ways, O LORD, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you. With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord my God. I will give glory to your name forever, for your love for me is very great. You have rescued me from the depths of death.” Psalm 88:8-13

” But let the godly rejoice. Let them be glad in God’s presence. Let them be filled with joy. Sing praises to God and to his name! Sing praises to him who rides the clouds. His name is the LORD– rejoice in his presence! Father of the fatherless, defender of widows– this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy. But he makes the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.” Psalm 68:3-6

“So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.” James 4:7-10

“But may all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness in you. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout,” ‘The LORD is great!'” Psalm 40:16

Good Good Father?!?

The song, “Good Good Father” can be a grief trigger for me and we sang it nearly a million times at family camp.

We also sang it at the beginning of July at the first church service my entire family was at since my big brother Byron’s funeral, September 9,2015. ( For those of you how have recently started following my blog, welcome and feel free to look back at past blogs such as: About Five and a Half Years Ago, What I shared at my big brother’s funeral,Gaining God and Treasure in the Mud)

As we sang this song at the church service this summer my tears flowed.

I loved, loved, loved singing with my Byron. He loved God and until his disease weakened him to the point where he couldn’t speak he could be heard proclaiming how God had been so good to him.

To sing Good Good Father is to agree with Byron which is fine, until you hit the phrase that says,” your perfect in all of your ways.”

When Byron was dying  I didn’t allow myself to dwell on doubt about God. I had purposed in my heart to keep agreeing with By that God is good and faithful. Two days after Byron died on September 4, 2015, I found myself at the church I had attended as a little kid. A family friend was there he had heard the news of Byron’s passing. They have a son who had been in the same grade as Byron and the family friend began to ponder out loud. “Why would Byron be taken and not (his son)?” I cut him off from further discussion because my heart couldn’t afford to doubt God at that deeply painful moment of life.

Not long after Byron died a friend of mine and her family had a sudden devastating cancer diagnosis. Their only hope was a miracle. My friend shared how God had helped her heart with the song Good Good Father as she struggled to process the news that she was likely going to become a widow. Our church family loved and ached and wept and prayed with these dear ones. I can’t remember how much time had passed but after much anguish their sorrow turned to dancing as they received their miracle. Surgery could was performed and was successful. No further cancer was located. What joy!!!! I am so glad they got their miracle!!! I love each member of their family dearly.

The truth is that although I am so glad they got their “yes” it hurts that our family got a “no”.

At camp this summer as the song “Good Good Father” was sung again and again I had to revisit my disappointment over our “no”. I had to choose to be honest and tell God I hated that we didn’t get a “yes” for Byron’s earthly healing. That I hate missing him so terribly much. That I don’t get God’s ways and they sure don’t seem perfect to me.

I can’t say I had a miraculous moment in the face of that song and yet as I allowed myself to bring my resistance of it’s lyrics to God, I felt safe and loved.

I still don’t know the why of Byron leaving us at 41 but I can’t shake the fact that God has been so very good to me throughout my grief.

“He is perfect in all of his ways to me.”

As I let the words and tears flow into this blog. I remembered the the word, “perfect” used in Psalm means blameless.

My heart is reminded of 1John how in Christ there is NO darkness at all.

My heart know that God has been blameless towards me after all I don’t deserve anything from Him and yet He sent His only Son to die for me.

My heart knows that God has been blameless towards me therefore he has been blameless toward Byron’s wife and kids.

I still hate the “no” but I can remember that kids always hate “no” in a situation where they desperately want a “yes”.

So I choose to continue to agree with Byron that His God who is also my God is who He says He is blameless and without darkness and indeed good.

My God is God and I am not.

He is our Good Good Father.

He is perfect in all of His ways  whether it feels perfect or not.

He is faithful to me always.

My heart can go back to celebrating all that He has done for me.

He is a Good Good Father and I am loved by Him.

I don’t know if this has struck a nerve with you. I don’t know your triggers. I do know healing is found in facing the pain, the resistance and being honest with myself and God about it.

Please beloved, take time today to allow yourself the opportunity of healing and comfort by choosing to remember and believe that our God is good and trustworthy always.

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for our God is our refuge.” Psalm 62:5-8

“This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light , and there is no darkness in him at all.” 1 John1:5

“‘ My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,’ says the LORD. “And all my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways are higher than yours thoughts.'” Isaiah 55:8-9

” This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest human strength.” 1 Corinthians 1:25

Final Mat Time

I have a final take away I had from the fireside message of the paralytic whose friends made a hole in the roof to place their suffering friend in front of Jesus.

Jesus did give him the “yes” he and his friends had been aching for.

After Jesus met his greatest need of salvation the forgiveness of sins. Jesus healed him.

He got up and took his mat with him.

For me this sentence makes my throat get tight and my head start to ache with unshed tears.

He got up! HE got up! He got UP!!! Upright after sooooooo many long years that must of been mind blowing for him and his friends.

As one who has spent many many days in bed, it is a WONDERFUL discovery to find that you could sit up in bed awhile and to discover leaving your room is an option. A few days later you realize you can actually go and buy your own groceries and trust me even Superstore can seem a wonderful and magical place.

The other part of the sentence is that he “took his mat with him.”

Wow! All those days, months, years on his mat and he took it with him. He didn’t burn that mat and get a new one he took it with him.Ok, so obviously it was his bed and he’d need it for future rest but join me in the metaphor that he took the suffering that had gone on with him.

Mike Penninga the speaker at family camp challenged us to believe that our “mat time” has a purpose. Our story is for a reason. I have come to believe this 100% and what a freeing belief it is.

Calvin and I have seen our story of suffering with my health’s ups and downs restored time and time again. We had company awhile back and my story came up and at points in the telling  I had tears. The company apologized for how it must be hard for me to relive. I was able to share that getting the opportunity to tell my story redeemed the pain of that season for me. Sharing how God faithfully met me in my weakness redeems all the frustration and loss. It provides other with hope as they hear how God has empowered me again and again to step out in faith and do this or that not knowing how it would go.

Please, please, let your heart hear and believe me, dear friend, your “mat time” will be redeemed. I can’t guarantee that down here you’ll receive phsyical healing you may but you don’t have to hold your breath waiting for it because you can have joy and hope and peace know even on your mat. It’s all found in Him. It can be hard to believe this but trust me I have fought with God over this and as I studied the Word and prayed for belief and chose to declare His words I am convinced that He is enough. This is the truth, whether we choose to believe it or not is up to us.

So whether you have the opportunity to get up off your mat and go around proclaiming what you have learned or if you are still stuck on you mat you still can share what has been redeemed thus far.

What has He taught you during this time? What can you ask Him to teach you during this time?

It is not for naught that you are going through this. Satan would love for you to believe that there is no point to it and that God can’t be good because he allowed this into your life but that is far from the truth of who He is and what He is doing.

Ask Him to open your eyes to see the lessons he is teaching you in this hard place and then be faithful in sharing them by whatever means He provides.

A few ways He may have redeemed your mat time already are:

It’s provided you with the relationship that you need with friends who passionately pursue God and journey deeply with Him.

It’s provided you with the opportunity to receive your satisfaction for your greatest need of  truly receiving God’s salvation.

It’s provided oppportunity to dive into Him and discover what you really believe about Him and what He is truly saying about Himself

It’s provided you with platform to proclaim who He is  in a “no and wait” time of life.

Hugs to each of you it is no small thing to choose to trust Him during this time. I pray that you will because in trusting Him you can receive all He has for you.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.”2Corinthians 1:3-5 but keep reading.